Neo-Hippie Ramblings - I'm a Non-Conformist Just Like All My Friends: July 2005

Sunday, July 31, 2005

John Candy & Phil English - Separated at Birth?


Shocking physical similarities aside...


John Candy's character was accused of taking dirty money in Armed and Dangerous.

Phil English is accused of taking dirty money from Tom Delay.


John Candy starred in Canadian Bacon.

Phil English recently headlined the CAFTA vote for dipping into the American pork barrel.


John Candy's career was cut regrettably short by a heart attack.

I saw Phil English walking in a Fourth of July parade this year, and 100 yards into the route he was panting, drenched in sweat and looked like he was just about to have a heart attack.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Freeing molesters to make room for dealers

Unless you've been totally unplugged for the past few weeks, you've heard about Dean Arthur Schwartzmiller, the sick fuck who claims to have molested children about 36,000 times since the 70s. Over the years, he's been arrested for such crimes 9 times and convicted four times, serving a grand total of 12 years in prison -- with three of the four sentences amounting to 3 years or less apiece.

12 years in prison is a long time, relatively speaking, but it's a slap on the wrist for the offenses in question. I can think of a few more fitting punishments, all rather gruesome. (The most humane that I could suggest in good conscience would be castration as a mandatory condition of parole.)

Watching that creepy, grinning monster saunter into the courtroom made me wonder what an equivalent sentence for a drug crime might be. Here's a top result that I Googled up for '12 year sentence drug possession': Anthony Papa. Served 12 years of a 15 year minimum for cocaine possession. Granted, 4.5 oz is a lot of blow, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Papa wasn't holding kids down and forcing it up their noses.

If you want to know why someone like Schwartzmiller gets paroled over and over, look no further than the mandatory minimum sentence. Why is it that drug charges carry mandatory minimum sentences, but child rape convictions do not? Hell if I know. But if you have a registered sex offender living within a quarter-mile of your family, like I do, you might consider taking it upon yourself to ask.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Bill of Rights 2.0

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion (unless it's an election year or there's some other need to grandstand), or prohibiting the free exercise thereof (unless it's something like Santeria that Judeo-Christians think is weird); or abridging the freedom of speech (unless it's on television), or of the press (unless it's critical of the current administration, because that'd be helping the terrorists or unless the press is stationed in another country, in which case the FBI can seize its assets with impunity); or the right of the people peaceably to assemble (as long as they don't plan to protest, in which case the Secret Service will arrest and hold them until the assembly ends), and to petition the government for a redress of grievances (unless the government is responsible for the grievances in question).

Amendment II

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed (unless you live in certain cities and states or use public transportation, and so long as those arms are not powerful enough to be useful to, say, a militia).

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches (except by the FBI or TSA) and seizures (except by the FBI, DEA, IRS or state or local governments), shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation (often by a government-paid informant or felon trying to plea bargain), and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized (except for citizens suspected of consentual crime, for whom all fourth amendment rights are suspended).

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law (unless being held offshore); nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. (Private property, however, may be seized by the states for use by corporations large enough to grease the right palms.)

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy (unless they're rich and famous enough to drag it out into a six month media circus) and public trial (unless being detained offshore), by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation (unless being detained offshore); to be confronted with the witnesses against him (unless being detained offshore); to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor (unless being detained offshore), and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense (unless being detained offshore).

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. (In cases of defective product liability, records shall be sealed so that the nature of the flaw which caused harm is hidden, avoiding further financial harm to the liable manufacturer.)

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted (except upon detainees, insurgents, enemy combatants and other 'disappeared' persons being held against their will but not formally accused of any crime).

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people (except in the multitude of instances where the federal government has invoked the interstate commerce clause to justify doing so).

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people (except in the multitude of instances where the federal government has invoked the interstate commerce clause to justify doing so).

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Sound Familiar?

    Sound vaguely familiar?

    If the Party could thrust its hand into the past and say this or that even, it never happened—that, surely, was more terrifying than mere torture and death.

    And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed—if all records told the same tale—then the lie passed into history and became truth. 'Who controls the past' ran the Party slogan, 'controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.'

    Day by day and almost minute by minute the past was brought up to date. In this way every prediction made by the Party could be shown by documentary evidence to have been correct; nor was any item of news, or any expression of opinion, which conflicted with the needs of the moment, ever allowed to remain on record. All history was a palimpsest, scraped clean and reinscribed exactly as often as was necessary.

    - George Orwell, 1984


    The part that boggles my mind isn't that prior events are being spun for whatever purpose the White House might have in mind. That's just crafty statesmanship -- if you can pull it off. What shocks me is that the supposedly 'liberal' media allows it to happen, over and over. It's like watching a kitten being baited with a piece of string.

Monday, July 25, 2005

can I be a slacker for a little while?

The stress level of my job (and life in general, at that) is burning me out.

I can't complain about the pay, because it's actually pretty good. If one of us made about 50% more, the other could stay home with the kids. It's just not realistic now, though. Between student loans, credit cards and utilities, it'd wipe us out -- even with the offset in childcare expenses and the ability to have a single car.

Co-workers are a mixed bag. Some of them are very cool and very easy to work with. Others, well... let's just say that it's a good thing I don't have a 'Dr. Evil' conference room where I could hit a button and dispatch them to a pit of alligators. That would rock.

My day starts at about 5:30 - 5:45 am, so I can take a shower before P. leaves for work at 6:10 or so. (The girls usually sleep until at least 7:30 - 8:00, but there's no guarantee that I'll be able to shower and shave unless I do so before she leaves. If they were a little older it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but they're too young to be left unattended right now.)

I get about an hour to myself, on average, in the morning. Necessary for my sanity. That's usually blog-time, or BlogExplosion surf time. I'm getting about a third of my blog hits from search engines and links now, but the volume still falls off pretty quickly without those BE referral hits. (Alternately, it's "I want mommy; I don't want you. Bwaaaah..." time.)

If the girls co-operate, eat and get dressed without incident I make it to work at 9. No guarantees there. I used to be a very punctual person and got irritated by people who weren't. Then I had kids.

P & I have alternated our schedules so we'd have more time with the girls. Upside is that they're only with the babysitter from about 9 - 3. Downside is that we no longer get to talk on the drive to and from work, which used to be most of our private conversation time. Most of our conversations take place over IM these days.

Technically, I'm supposed to take two 15 minute breaks during the day and a half-hour lunch. Hah! I don't remember the last time I took two breaks in a day, and lunch is often closer to a 15-20 minute sprint to the cafeteria with P. between meetings. My breaks are usually 3 minute walks to get coffee. I drink a lot of coffee. If I'm really pissed off about something, or have a team member who's reached the breaking point, we'll walk to $tarbuck$ and blow off some steam.

In theory, I'm supposed to be done with work at 5. Lately, it's been averaging about 7 - 7:30 pm instead, with the possibility of another hour or two from home over VPN. And even when I'm not at work, I'm thinking about it, or talking about it with P.

The job itself is insane. On the off-chance that you work in software quality, you'll appreciate what I'm saying. Otherwise, imagine a career where:
  • It's so very easy to do a mediocre job but very difficult to do a good one
  • There's no guarantee that you'll have adequate time to do your job, and you'll probably have to negotiate for even an inadequate window of time
  • Your phase of a project is always considered semi-expendable
  • Everyone on the outside seems to think they know how to do your job (and are only too happy to tell you so)
  • Your feedback is most needed when it's least welcome
  • You rely heavily on documentation created by others as the basis for your work, but those others view the documentation as a nuisance and do their damnedest to avoid creating it in the first place
  • A major part of your job function includes the delivery of criticism to others while they're under a great deal of stress

Bottom line is, people in my line of work tend to burn out pretty quickly.

Anyway, after 8-11 hours of that shitstorm, it's home to the (often cranky & hungry) kids. Dinner (which is fast food way too often), some playtime and then the bedtime routine. P is usually wiped out and falls asleep with the girls. I usually stay up, either doing laundry, working over VPN or reading news sites & blogs (or all of the above). I crash somewhere between midnight and 2:00 am, and start the whole thing over.

Weekends? Go to work in the morning and take the girls somewhere in the afternoon.

So anyway, I'd like to be a part of this slacker generation I've been hearing so much about. I was born in '72, so I should be eligible...

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Memo (to the tune of 'The Letter')

The Memo


I'm looking for a reason to invade Iraq
The UN's getting snippy and they won't attack
We'll cook a mess of lies and say they came from spies
Dear Tony, I'm sending a memo

And I don't care how many lives we gotta spend
Worldcom's going in the black again
It's time to do some shootin', the oil rigs need lootin'
Dear Tony, I'm sending a memo

Well I'm writin' a memo
cause diplomacy is such a massive bore
Ohh listen Tony can you see
I'm nothing but a freakin' Bechtel corporate whore, anyway...

I don't care which programs we gotta cut
My domestic agenda's really in a rut
Osama's still in hidin', approval rating's slidin'
Dear Tony, I'm sending a memo

- instrumental -

Well I'm writin' a memo
Cause diplomacy is such a massive bore
Ohh listen Tony can you see
I'm nothing but a freakin' Bechtel corporate whore, anyway...

I don't care how many lives we gotta spend
Worldcom's going in the black again
It's time to do some shootin', there's oil rigs for lootin'
Dear Tony, I'm sending a memo

- instrumental -

I'm looking for a reason to invade Iraq
The UN's getting snippy and they won't attack
We'll cook a mess of lies and say they came from spies
Dear Tony, I'm sending a memo

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Baby's due in 5 weeks and we still can't pick a name

Yikes.

P & I picked out a boy's name with no problem whatsoever. Not that we need a boy's name...

It's been a high-risk pregnancy, and she's had about a half-dozen sonograms. During the past 3, there hasn't been any indication whatsoever of boy-parts, so it would appear that I'm going to be the father of three daughters very soon.

Anyway, we can't decide on a name. We've got a fairly short list, but none of them seem right to both of us. We kick each one around for about a week and then come up with some reason not to use it. Sigh.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Clinton - Rove Phone Call


Being a minor cog in the vast left-wing conspiracy to destroy America, I get access to a lot of intercepted phone calls. Here's a transcript I'd like to share. This having been a cellular phone call, we were only able to get Bill Clinton's half of the conversation.

[07-08-2005 16:10 EST - W. Clinton - Cellular - Start transcript]

. . . Hi Karl, sure I remember you . . .

. . . Uh huh, uh huh. Hilary and Chelsea are just fine, thanks for askin'. . .

. . . That bit of nastiness with Starr and the grand jury? Course I do. . .

. . . Novak, that CIA agent and the grand jury? Yep, I did read about that. Matter of fact, it's pinned up right here on my wall. . .

. . . Yes sir, perjury's a pretty serious offense. And treason's a capital offense. Heh heh. You must be feelin' like, uh, a fox caught in the henhouse right about now. . .

. . . Hang on a sec, Karl (muffled: Dang it! How many times do I gotta tell you Monica, no teeth!) . . . Ok, I'm back. Sorry 'bout that. So you want some, uh, advice and pointers?. . .

. . . Hmm. Ok. Lemme think . . . I've got, uh, two pieces of advice for you. Number one, you don't want to be bending over in the shower at Leavenworth. And number two, as we like to say back in Arkansas, is GO FUCK YERSELF! Slimy little piece of shit weasel. Heh heh heh.

(call ended)

[07-08-2005 16:12 EST - W. Clinton - Cellular - End transcript]

Friday, July 08, 2005

From The BiPolar's World - See my response

Original post:

People of the USA are great, but they need to know that the following text is meant for all of us ...................



Bill of Rights


Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Amendment VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

My response:

I've started and then erased about five different smart-assed comments in response.

Bottom line, for me, is that I love America the way one would love a family member who's somehow made a serious public mess of her life -- disappointed by what she's done, ashamed of the negative attention, but always trying to help her turn things around and live up to her potential.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

That crazy kid and his tricycle

Bush wipes out on his tricycle and takes out a Scottish police officer. Fortunately he was wearing his Spiderman helmet and wasn't seriously injured.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I want a new party

A lot of shit in the legal and political news bugs me lately, and watching where the various factions fall on the issues just leaves me scratching my head. The Democrats and the Republicans both seem so off-course and corrupt that the possibility of either group acting in the best interests of the American people seems remote, at best. On the rare occasions where either group has done so, it appears to have been mostly by accident.

The closest thing I've seen to sanity has been from the Libertarians, but they have yet to figure out how to use the media. They'll be flyweights until they do.

In the meantime, I want a new party. Here's my wish list for a platform:

Personal freedom & responsibility

Ownership of one's self is absolute, and may not be infringed upon unless a person's actions cause or significantly risk serious, direct harm to others. Adults of sound mind should be free to do things that others might find reckless, stupid or immoral, so long as they only risk harm to themselves (or harm to other adults only by their own consent). If you want to bungee-jump from a bridge while shaving with a straight razor, so be it.

By the same token, responsibility for one's own actions is also absolute. If said person decapitates himself while shaving and bungee jumping, there's no room for a liability lawsuit against the manufacturers of said bridge, bungee cord or straight razor!

Free market economics with public protection

Businesses should be able to operate pretty much unfettered, with a few qualifications -- that their activities and products not cause or risk serious harm to the public, and that intellectual property should be protected.

Protection of the public should be true on both a micro level (e.g., toasters that don't catch fire) and a macro level (e.g., regulation and oversight of greenhouse gas emissions and PCBs).

Likewise, intellectual property needs to be protected -- inventors and innovators should be able to profit from their work. (If you have any doubts about the state of copyright law in America, I suggest you check out Pirates of Silicon Valley.)

Social and fiscal responsibility

I don't have a problem with paying taxes to support programs meant to improve the quality of life for Americans or to provide a safety net for those who are destitiute. I just want to know that those programs are being funded correctly, run by competent individuals and held accountable for their performance over time.

Campaign reform

No, really. I'm talking about meaningful campaign reform that takes into account the reality that elections are often decided long before election day. I've already gone on about this at length (and I really need to finish it up one of these mornings).

Separation of church and state

You should be free to believe whatever you want, but I don't want my tax dollars spent to ram it down the public's throats. If you think the Ten Commandments need to be on public display, then pass around the collection plate and put up a fuckin' billboard. If you don't think homosexuals should be allowed to marry, fine. You're free to join a church that shares your view, surround yourself with like-minded individuals and send your kids to a school that teaches the same thing. (You're also free to move the whole shebang into a walled-in compound in a remote corner of Montana and spare the rest of us your slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging presence. Which I very much encourage.)

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Google Adsense - Why Freakin' Bother???

This is what I'm asking myself lately. I've had about 2400 hits - per Adsense stats - since I added it six months ago. In that time, I've made a grand total of $0.15. Yippee! That won't even get you a rubber ball out of a bubble gum machine these days.

At this rate, I'll hit the $100 minimum threshold required to get a check in the mail in approximately 300 years. Essentially, they've set the threshold so high that the average site owner will never hit it. That's pretty damned brilliant, at least in the short run. Does absolutely nada for me, though, so it's coming off the site template tonight.

-= snip =-

Friday, July 01, 2005

The Anti-Drugwar Czar

If any of you read alt.drugs.pot or the other marijuana-related newsgroups, you're already familiar with Brian Bennett. I just saw today that he started a blog, anti-drugwar czar.

Brian's blog gives a lot of compelling, logical arguments and his website, http://www.briancbennett.com, uses hard numbers reported by the US government itself to demonstrate visually how the escalating costs of drug prohibition are producing essentially flat results. Fascinating stuff.