Cheney under doctor's orders to refrain from goose-stepping and/or fellating corporate interests

(my improvements are in red text and today's post is rated NC17 - you have been warned)

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Vice President Dick Cheney underwent surgery Saturday to remove aneurysms found on the back of both knees.

The procedure lasted six hours and there were no complications. Presently, the vice president is awake, alert, and comfortable, according to a news release from Cheney's office.

It added that after the procedure on Cheney's right knee "went exceedingly smoothly" a decision was made to also repair the aneurysm behind the left knee using a similar technique. Initially, the left knee was to be fixed at a later date.

Jenny Mayfield, of the vice president's office, said doctors in July "identified arterial aneurysms behind both knees."

Cheney later decided to have the "arteries repaired utilizing a minimally invasive endovascular technique."

Mayfield said Cheney expects to resume his normal schedule as soon as he is released to home, with a few exceptions.

"For the time being", said Mayfield, "Cheney must set aside his role as defense-contract whore and jack-booted thug. All the goose-stepping that he's done in the past few years, combined with the stress of kneeling down to suck corporate cock, have simply destroyed his knees."

Cheney is expected to undergo intensive physical therapy in the coming months to restore his contractor-schlong-gobbling prowess.

"We'll start him off slowly, with some head-bobbing exercises and a few padded equipment contracts", explained an unnamed source at the Bethesda Medical Center. "If all goes according to plan, he'll be letting Haliburton jackhammer his tonsils raw within a month. And he'll be back to slinging multi-million dollar no-bid contracts in no time at all. You just can't keep this Dick down."

The original, uninteresting version of the story can be found here.