Neo-Hippie Ramblings - I'm a Non-Conformist Just Like All My Friends: George W. Bush poops on the White House lawn: a timeline

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

George W. Bush poops on the White House lawn: a timeline

8:00 am EST

George W. Bush runs from the front door of the White House buck-naked and cackling like mad, defecates on the front lawn and runs back inside.

8:01 am EST

Yahoo News publishes a Reuters story, complete with color photos. The scrolling news ticker of cable channel MSNBC reads "Bush drops tur..." and promptly cuts to a commercial for Geico.

8:02 am EST

CNN sends out a breaking news e-mail & text alert: "Sources say Bush takes dump on White House lawn. Go to CNN for complete up-to-the-minute coverage." No related story can be found on

8:06 am EST

27 left-wing-nut bloggers post various conspiracy theories and fantastic accusations about the incident. 4234 liberals and moderates also express disgust and outrage.

8:42 am EST

The Drudge Report showcases and ridicules the 27 left-wing-nuts, and ignores the 4234 other criticisms.

8:47 am EST

Fox News reports the Drudge Report version of events, uncorroborated.

9:03 am EST publishes an AP story on lawn incident, buried in 'other political news'. The splash page of CNN shows a photo of Paris Hilton and her dog, and includes a related 2000-word story about her fingernails.

9:47 am EST publishes a series of high-resolution photos of Bush pooping on the lawn. The photos highlight what appears to be cocaine residue under his nose.

9:48 am EST

CNN begins playing a short clip of the President's turd, ad naseum.

9:49 am EST

A questionable presidential nominee is confirmed. The Senate disbands the EPA. 17 US soldiers are killed in Iraq. Nobody notices.

9:53 am EST

The FBI raids Indymedia's South American offices and seizes their servers (again).

10:00 am EST

Scott Mclellan deflects all questions at a short White House press conference, feigning outrage and downplaying the importance of the event.

12:05 pm EST

Rush Limbaugh states that taking a dump on the White House lawn was the only logical thing to do and that anyone who thinks otherwise is a moron.

12:07 pm EST

5347 right-wing-nut bloggers write posts on the event. Each offers an uncredited summary of Rush Limbaugh's asessment or Matthew Drudge's earlier post.

12:08 pm EST

Right and left-wing bloggers begin an 'I know you are but what am I?' comment war that continues unabated for three weeks.

1:00 pm EST

On The 700 Club, Pat Robertson leads a prayer for the president and makes a vague insinuation that Hugo Chavez was responsible for the turd.

2:25 pm EST sends outraged e-mail titled "Hold George Bush accountable for pooping on the White House lawn" asking for phone calls to legislators and donations for an advertising campaign. Barbara Boxer and Harry Reid follow suit.

3:17 pm EST

Robert Novak leaks the name of the Secret Service agent who accidentally let Bush outside while high as a kite. Novak refuses to name his source.

3:43 pm EST

Jib Jab publishes a catchy Shockwave spoof of the Brittany Spears song 'Oops, I did it again' called 'Oops, I pooped on the lawn'.

4:45 pm EST

Internet traffic slows to a trickle due to 34,565,356 office workers trying to download the Jib Jab video simultaneously.

6:00 pm EST

The mainstream news media's talking heads begin an 'I know you are but what am I?' war that continues unabated for 3 days.

George Bush
mainstream media

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