Neo-Hippie Ramblings - I'm a Non-Conformist Just Like All My Friends: Pentagon Unveils New Military Vehicles

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Pentagon Unveils New Military Vehicles

Pentagon Unveils New Military Vehicles

The crowd attending the fortieth annual Erie Zoo Parade this morning was treated to a rare surprise when the Pentagon unveiled two new vehicles intended for immediate deployment in Iraq and Afghanistan. Recently re-commissioned members of the PA National Guard were on hand to showcase these new vehicles.

The first vehicle is a fast, lightly armored ATV intended for scouting missions. The Field Use Bike for Army Reconnaisance, or F.U.B.A.R., will be deployed to front-line positions as needed. In describing the vehicle's intended use, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had this to say. "While we can't guarantee a F.U.B.A.R. for every mission, top Army brass are working night and day to reach this goal."

The second vehicle is even more striking, and expected to have a major impact on day-to-day operations in urban warfare. The Armored Single Seat Field Use Car, or A.S.S.F.U.C., is inexpensive enough to be deployed to all members of the military serving in Iraq. It is hoped that the A.S.S.F.U.C.s will replace the poorly armored Humvees about which the Bush administration received so much criticism last year. "If you people been paying attention at all," said Secretary Rumsfeld, "it should be crystal clear that giving every member of our armed services a good A.S.S.F.U.C. is my top priority these days."

Click here to see the new A.S.S.F.U.C.s in action.

4 Old Comments:

I wondered what animals were in the parade. Thanks for letting us know there was a jackass there watching.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:42 AM  

That's actually kind of funny. If you're interested in animals, be sure to check out the Washington DC zoo. There are herds of braying donkeys and bellowing elephants, several hundred pot-bellied pigs, and even a rare anaconda(leeza). The real attraction, though, is a pack of jackals led by a half-witted chimpanzee.

By Blogger Rambler Joe Snitty, at 9:18 PM  

That's pretty funny. Any word on when the FUBAR will be available for civilian purposes like the Hummer?

By Blogger Doug, at 11:02 AM  

Well, Doug, thanks to a last minute sleight of hand with a recent senate appropriations bill, we're all pretty much guaranteed a FUBAR!

Be advised that the Real ID act contains a provision to gather 'biometrics' as part of the drivers' license renewal process. That means that in order to get your FUBAR (and your license), you may be required to submit a set of fingerprints, a retinal scan or even a DNA sample into a national database.

By Blogger Rambler Joe Snitty, at 6:37 AM